Kelsey: How-to Friday! How to poop in Africa.

Don't lie. I know you have been waiting for this post. And I am very sorry to have kept you waiting but I could not post this before Sarah arrived. All who know Sarah know that she is very comfortable with all things bathroom related. She does not close the door when she poops and she will walk in on you to talk to you while you are pooping. Don't try to resist it

Before I came to Uganda for the first time I was very naive of very many things. I tried to research Africa but I think until you experience it you just can't grasp it from reading other people's stories (meaning you all need to come visit and experience it for yourselves! come on.) I was a little bit nervous about how the conditions would be. I wondered if I could handle life in Africa. One not so nice friend, who had never been to Africa, flat out told me I could not handle it. (Uh wrong.) Chief among my naive concerns about Africa was where to poop and will there be toilet paper? Why is that information not number one on the travel sights. Stupid Lonely Planet. I do not care about 'getting there and getting around' I care about bathrooms. 

Actually I would say toilet paper may have been my number one concern. And I know I am not alone in that. I saw fellow study abroad students who had packed some American toilet paper in their bags. These concerns were very naive on one hand, I mean we were not headed to the bush. We were living 45 minutes from the capital city. A city of one and a half million people, tall buildings, giant electronic billboards, and even toilet paper. But on the other hand I very often found myself in situations where either there was no toilet paper or no place to poop (really no place where I wanted to poop). 

First I think we need to talk about the wonder that is the pit latrine. I really wanted to take a picture and post one on the blog but I could not come up with a respectful way to photograph someone's pit latrine, darn Uganda and their culture of respect. I can think of MANY American friends who would be happy to have their toilets photographed for me to post on the internet for hundreds of people to see... Anyways this is a photo I stole from google.

This is a beautiful, pristine, basically adorable pit latrine. They do not all look like this... Picture a board with a hole cut out and crap all on it. 

Pit latrines or 'long drops' are very common here. In my orientation for my study abroad program one of the Ugandan staff demonstrated how to use a pit latrine. She got up in front of the class and showed us how to plant our feet and then how to squat and lean back a little so you don't pee on your pants. (Side note one of my friends once borrowed a pair of my pants and then peed on them while trying to use a pit latrine. She peed my pants. You know who you are. ) This Ugandan staff member was one of the most respectful women I have met and watching her squat to teach us how to use our toilets at home was one of the greatest things I have experienced in my life. 

The pit latrine is classified as "no place I want to poop". Mainly because pit latrines are full of cockroaches. I mean they don't smell great and they are kind of dirty (as in covered in crap) and I have heard horror stories of people falling in them! But primarily its the cockroaches. While in normal life I do not love my encounters with the cockroach, I certainly do not want to pull down my pants and stick my butt near a thousand of them. Why do people do that?

Ugandans do not like to talk about their poop. I mean I guess Americans don't really like to talk about their poop either. But groups of young adults traveling in Africa love to talk about their poop. And I am one of them. One of my favorite things about traveling with people is the freedom of getting to complain about how I have not pooped in days! And let me tell you I do not think anyone who went from an all American diet to an all Ugandan diet did not suffer in some way. People were taken to the doctor in groups. Doctor, these three cannot poop and these two cannot stop pooping. 

The best advice I can give on the subject is always carry toilet paper. We study abroad students stole tp from everywhere we went. As I write this there is half a roll in my purse, half a roll in my backpack, a few squares in my wallet and a handful in the pocket of a pair of pants. It was actually a really hard habit to break when I returned to America where the toilet paper flows freely and you dont have to rob every restaurant of its tp. Also you can carry newspaper, very effective toilet paper, or a smooth stone. I have never done that last one but one time I did use a sock. You also just kind of get used to pooping in strange places. The strangeness of the places you poop will directly correlate the the amount of adventure you are experiencing. In rural Uganda I once pooped in a bucket, inside the house. Still one of the grossest things I have ever done. Even worse than the time I slept in a tiny tent with two other Haitian women and we all peed into a bucket inside our tent literally right next to each other. 


And now you will all stop reading this blog forever wont you. Has 'how to friday' gotten too gross? One day I will cross the line. But this is just life in Africa. 

Kelsey: How-to Friday! How to kill a chicken.

This is for Stef Wisbrock who is sitting at home with her chicken just waiting for a "how to" so she can cut him up and eat lunch. Sorry to keep you waiting Stef.

This post is not going to be pretty. Consider this your warning. Or maybe you should consider the title your warning. I mean you chose to read a post about killing chickens right?

The first time I saw this happen I thought it was disturbing. I got over that fast. I really do think that in America we are too separated from our food source. When I see a chicken I dont think food. When I see some plastic wrapped deboned, deskinned, clorox rinsed meat, then I think food.  Its just so wrong. You should watch Food Inc. Thats all I'm sayin.

Meet the victim. We named him Fred. He seemed nervous. Like he knew something...

It is highly recommended that you bond with the chicken and feed it snacks. If there is more than one chicken then definitely get them to race each other or put on some kind of fashion show competition. When I was a kid we used to do that with lobsters in new hampshire. We would name them, race them, and the winner got to go into the pot first. Lucky little lobster.

Give the chicken a knife for defense. I mean its only fair, you have a knife after all. It must be a fair fight.

Deno came out the victor. Wrestled that knife away from Fred like a pro!

Grasp the wings to prevent flappage.

Step on the feet if you dont want to be clawed. 

Pull feathers out at the neck where you will be cutting.

And start cutting

And this is the kind of sad part. Let it bleed a little bit before you continue cutting. Then keep going until you get all the way through the neck.

Clean the knife on the birds feathers. Hopefully it gets a more thorough cleaning later. Also Deno wanted it noted that he did feel very bad for the chicken and that he was only doing this for the sake of the blog. (lies)

Soak the headless chicken (poor Fred) in hot water to make it easier to pull out the feathers. 

Start pulling feathers. Dorcus had put on no pretense of feeling bad and was purely excited to eat Fred. Apparently the bonding time meant more to him than her. 

Then, and this is important, make it do a little dance.

Stand on its head. No dignity.

And then have it play dead. 

Finally lull the chicken into a false sense of security by having it lounge in a pot of water as if it were a bathtub. 

Then cut it up! (That was said in Mitch Hedberg's voice, anyone else remember that bit?)

There seemed to be basically no rhyme or reason to the cutting except for the removing of legs and wings it was sort of just chopped. So I am going to trust that you can cut up your own chicken. Do not let me down. 

Here was to be inserted a picture of finished cooked chicken. But it was eaten before I got the camera. Use your imagination. Can you see it?

My final piece of advice. If your chicken can do this then do not cut it up...

Kelsey: How-to Friday! How to test for HIV.

Welcome to Mpumudde Health Center!

Step number one: Go to this place. This is our local health center. We offer HIV testing and counseling and family planning services. And they let me do all those things. Just follow the signs.

If you are not pregnant then you get to sit outside for hours and hours and wait at the out patient center to get your test done. 

If you are pregnant you get to wait inside the maternity ward in the same room where women are in labor. All pregnant women who come for prenatal visits are tested. This is to prevent mother to child transmission.

This is my lovely midwife friend sitting at the testing table.

These are the supplies:

Most people test with a finger prick. I usually draw blood because the lancets are always running low and I am one of the only people who knows how to draw blood (most of the people working are students). I tend to follow around the head midwife and bother her until she teaches me things. It works well.

These are Determine strips. They are the first in a series of three tests. If this test comes back negative then the person is HIV neg and no further tests have to be done at the time.

Clean the finger with an alcohol wipe. Sometimes we run out of these and clean the finger with cotton. I feel like this probably does not have the same effect...

Prick the finger and then squeeze some blood onto the test strip. I have to say that it is much easier to prick people than I thought it would be. Picking fingers, sticking needles into arms, giving injections it is all surprisingly easy. I thought I would feel bad sticking sharp objects into human skin, but I really dont. Does that say something about me?

Or if you can draw some blood. I really like blood when it is in tubes. I like it way less when it is gushing out of a person. That is just gross.

Take a dropper and put one drop of blood onto the end of the test strip.

Add a drop of buffer to it and wait for the test result.

The top line is the control and if the test is negative then only the top line appears. These tests (for the same person) are both positive. I redid the test just to make sure.  

This is the second test in the series, called Stat Pack. This test ended up being negative. This means we have to go to the third test, Uni-gold, to get the final result. Basically whatever the uni-gold result is is the final result.

But of course the hospital was out of Uni-gold. First I made this woman wait like 30 minutes for her results while I did her tests multiple times. And then I had to tell her to come back tomorrow, she may or may not have HIV. I guess its not really worse news than she had before. Except it really is. Its nerve wracking. The whole process feels very unfinished to me even when we have the third test. Like some lines appeared on a strip of paper and now I can tell you that you are HIV positive? Seems likes machines should be involved. Can anything really be accurate without a machine involved anyway? I suppose so.

I almost always get a negative result and get to tell people good news. We only get a few people who test positive each month. So testing is generally a really positive experience. I have learned how to communicate the good news even if I dont speak the language of the woman I am testing (which happens sometimes). I look quizzically at the strip for a couple seconds and then up at the woman and give her a big smile and a thumbs up. She looks relieved and I move onto the next person.

I have more stories to tell about testing but my hands hurt from doing laundry this morning. No more typing. Can't go on.

Kelsey: How-to Friday! How to make a paper necklace.

Oops, Friday came late this week. I blame the fact that power has only been on for 20 hours total all week long. Stupid power.

I am going to go out on a limb and say that Uganda is basically famous for its paper beads. I am not sure if you are aware. Its famous for elephants, waterfalls, and paper beads. You can find beautiful paper bead necklaces in every craft shop and they are one of the most reasonably priced items coming out of Uganda. I know many women who are supporting their families by beading. If you are interested in buying paper bead necklaces 31 Bits is one of my favorite organizations marketing the jewelry to the states. Their designs are gorgeous. (Or you could just message me and I will send you one!)

Paper beads made in Uganda!

My mom taught me how to make these when I was a kid. Ours were not anywhere near this cool. But I used to love rolling beads. And now you can too. 

These are the supplies you need:

Scissors, pen, ruler, glass seed beads, varnish (or mod podge), clasp, thread or fishing wire, a needle, glue, and thick paper.

The paper used in Uganda is all recycled. I am using an old calendar. You can use any thick paper. Card stock is too thick and magazines are too thin. Something in between like a poster (not poster board) or scrapbook paper would work. 

And the calendar is eco friendly!

I seriously do not understand this ruler.

 Use the ruler to make marks about a centimeter and a half or so apart. This will determine how wide your bead is.

So evenly spaced.

Then you will want to do the same thing on the other side of the page but making the marks directly in between the marks you just made. 

Look at Deno's long skinny fingers. He is like a spider.

The goal is to end up with perfect long skinny triangles.

Like this

Ok this whole process is like a million times easier if you have a paper cutter. Just cut a bunch of even triangles. The only thing you have to worry about is making them the same size. The more perfect your triangle is the more even and round your bead will be.

My hands look weird close up.

Take your needle and start wrapping your triangle around from the base. Do not use any glue yet! I think a common mistake is putting glue at the base. Don't do that. DON'T!

Rolling rolling rolling

Keep rolling. Make sure it is even on each side. No wonky bead rolling.

Dorcus is my lovely assistant

Once you get an inch from the end put just the tiniest dab of glue. Keep rolling and hold till the glue dries. You seriously need the smallest amount of glue, it will hold.

Tada!

And now you have a bead! Almost.

Gladys... not a natural born bead roller

This is the most important step. Enlist lots of helpers.

Gladys may have been fired from bead rolling.

Then when those helpers lose interest, enlist more. Otherwise you will be doing this ALL DAY.

Use your fishing line to thread the beads.

This is not the string you will use for your necklace. This is for dipping.

An ice cream container filled with varnish, yum.

The varnish I use is wood varnish. If you are doing this project with kids you can substitute mod podge. Soak the beads in the varnish so they are thoroughly coated.

Let the varnish drip drip drip.

Then hang in a tree to dry overnight. The beads will take three days to finish. You repeat the dipping and drying process three times total. Each time letting the beads dry overnight. The coats of varnish take the beads from rolled up paper to beautiful beads.

Final necklace pictures still to come. Ooh anticipation!

Until then I will leave you with this picture of paper bead necklaces in baskets. So pretty they look good enough to eat.