Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Kelsey: Sometimes you're the stalker and sometimes you're the stalkee

I am sitting in town writing this post. No power at home so I headed to my favorite restaurant to get a salad with french fries in it and use some electricity. Thank you very much.

Coming into town has been difficult lately. I have a stalker. I actually have a stalker in Mpumudde too but he is really old and easy to fool. My younger brother convinced him that I am renting a room in their house and I that I left a while ago for America. He was very confused when I ran into him on the road the other day.

I met my Jinja town stalker back in June. I was using my computer at a cafe in town and eating lunch. I was sitting near the window in this perfect spot where there is a breeze but it is still in a nook separated from the rest of the people in the cafe. Very peaceful. So this guy walks up to me outside the window as if I was sitting in a McDonalds drive through. He starts talking to me and I try to ignore him because I am so enjoying myself and I so do not feel like making small talk. I also felt violated. Like I am inside a building, to talk to me you should also have to be inside the building. Long story short he kept going on and on and he wanted me to come over for dinner (this is a kind of normal request) and meet his family so I said sure! Then I gave him a fake email address. I mean its just easier than explaining to him that I find him extremely creepy and violating and would never go home and meet any of his relatives.

Unfortunately I continued to see him around town every couple weeks. So for months now I have been telling him that I have not received his emails. I even gave him a second fake email address forgetting the original fake email address. The most annoying part is trying to get away from him once he starts talking to me. I think I am officially out of excuses and next time he talks to me I will have to come out with it and tell him that I just need to leave because... you are a huge creeper.

To be fair I did totally stalk a guy at Uganda Christian University (black guy in the poster not the white chick, that is Shanley).

During election time at UCU the candidates paper the campus with their picture. They never smile in these pictures and they are generally terrifying. I mean look at this guy. Is he running for dictator of UCU? So I would grab his picture wherever I could find it, I ended up with dozens and I literally wallpapered my room in my host home with his face. Wow that sounds so creepy when I write it down. I met him once in real life and I got him to sign one of his posters. I am an excellent stalker.

While I am typing there is a tv on behind me and they are saying that Gadhafi is dead. Uganda has had a really close relationship with Gadhafi. Like he had an affair with one of the royalty here or something? And the barracks that are right next to my home are called the Gadhafi barracks. You know us dictatorships gotta stick together. Gadhafi and Idi Amin used to be tight. Gadhafi was visiting Uganda during Museveni's (UG president) second term swearing in which was supposed to be his last term. And he famously told Museveni to forget about leaving power, revolutionaries to not give up power. So I guess Gadhafi kind of created this dictator. Well done.

I was at the local council's office the other day and a dark fat man came over to me and asked if I was from America.

me: Yes I am.

fat man: Your leader has bad ideas.

me: Wait are you saying that you do not like Obama?

At this point I am shocked. I know multiple children named obama, kindergartens named Obama, many restaurants and shops named Obama. East Africa freaking loves Obama. But this guy was pissed off that Obama was not on Gadhafi's side. Because between Obama and Gadhafi clearly Gadhafi deserves our support...

**Update** I am sitting in town at the same restaurant a week later still writing this post. It is like a freaky time warp thing. Uganda was upset about Gadhafi's death.

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