Sarah: Farther

My husband and I have a rule. Since we are only assigned one parking spot, and have two cars, whoever gets home first has to find parking on the street. I am currently unemployed, so I'm 99.9% always the first one home. So I park on the street most of the time.

Today, I went to move the station wagon from our assigned parking spot to the street in preparation for my husband's arrival home and I saw that someone had written on the back of station wagon, the word, "N****R". All caps.

The person made sure to write it backwards so that I could read it clearly in my rearview mirror. How thoughtful. Not only that, but our car isn't really that dirty. It's been chilly and rainy here in SoCal the past few days. And from my investigative skills, it seems to me like the person who wrote it, had to spit on their finger to even make the word show up on our car.

This person obviously put a lot of thought into it.

This isn't my first direct experience with racism. When Frank and I lived in the midwest, we would get dirty looks every now and then. The occasional sigh. Once at a restaurant, an old lady switched sides at her table so she didn't have to look at us. When we first arrived in San Diego we were taking a walk, when a man passed us on his bicycle, looked me in my eyes and called me a, "N****r lover."

I just....I don't get it. Today, when I saw what was written on my car, my heart started beating quickly, my stomach kind dropped (like when you almost hit another car), and tears came to eyes. How could someone be so cruel? What is their life like, that they have to stop when they see a black man get out of his car, spit on their finger, and then anonymously insult him via his own property?

In recent years, our country has made giant steps against racism. Less than 50 years ago, I wouldn't have been able to marry my husband. And look where we are now.

But then things like this happen. Someone violates and disrespects my husband, me, and our marriage and I think how far we, as a people, still have to go.